Monday, January 7, 2008

Say What?!?

Out of boredom from being confined at home for several days due to cold, I went to watch the pre-pageant of a personality contest which is among the features of the Subic Freeport Christmas bazaar. Laughter is indeed the best medicine and I had a dose of it during the casual Q&A portion where some of the candidates’ answers are almost lethal.

Note: To be more interesting and to reach to more readers, some of these were translated to English while some were quoted quite exactly how the candidates attempted to express it.


Q: What 3 words best describe you?
A: I-Am-God-Fearing
[Granting that God-fearing counts as one word but aren’t there any words other than “I” and “Am” that describe you better?]


Q: What is your best asset?
A: I show you all my best so whatever you see is my best, it’s you who could tell what is my best asset… [ Uh, forgive the idiot judges for not realizing what your best asset is] … but for me, my best asset are my eyebrows. Thank you [There you go!]


Q: If in case you’ll not win this contest, what do you think is the reason?
A: If I will not win, maybe because I can’t do my best. Thank you
[Yeah right. It’s YOUR best yet you can’t – as in CANNOT – still do it yourself? Poor fella]


Q: What (remarkable) qualities do you possess?
A: I always give my best…
[Similar answer with the candidate’s who was asked why he should win the contest]


Q: What is FSC? (Freeport Service Corporation)
A (quickly): For me, FSC means “Future, Secured, and Cared for”. Future because what we want to achieve in the future, we have to do it now as we know, whatever we do in the present is connected to the future. Thank you
[Uh, did I just miss the part asking “In your own words”? Maybe there could have been a follow-up question to this should you just have given the original meaning. Anyway, your brain’s processing speed is impressive. But what happened to the “secured” and “cared for”? The present is connected to the future but your justification isn’t well connected to the question]


Q: After this contest, what other competitions do you plan to join?
A: After this, I plan to continue my studies at school. Before I graduate, I have to finish my studies. Maybe I’ll do part-time modeling. But before that, I have to go back to school…
[PROBLEM: What nth order is he going to continue his studies? TRIVIA: Schooling is a contest if you vie to receive an academic award]


Q: If you may speak to the President, the Pope, or to your favorite celebrity, who would you talk to and what will you say?
A: I will talk to the Pope because as Pope *pause* he can do *pause* Christianism *pause*
(Somebody from the audience yells, “Just speak in Tagalog!”)
(Candidate becomes irritated)
As you wish!
(Candidate continues in Tagalog pointlessly and with more pauses)
[Why not ask the Pope to pray for your salvation from embarrassment?]


Q: What is your best quality and why?
A: I am intelligent because I had finished my studies and that proves my intelligence.
[Kill the worthless honor students who claim to be the only intelligent ones!]


Oh well, see you in the finals night!