Breakaway

 

Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy…
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could breakaway

We have our respective comfort zones. Mine for six years was the first job I had since I became of legal employment age. Had been told I was lucky; we could say that. It was an entry-level position but it paid for college and for some luxuries my parents would have not tolerated.

The early half of my tenure with the company was generally ok. I report to work and do tasks with enthusiasm – ‘bigger’ tasks beyond my job description were challenges that used to give me a sense of importance which my title never gave me.

Sense of importance to my employer; that was what I lost I think. Not that I was indispensable though; never was. But a personal sense of importance is, well, important for an employee’s morale – our firsthand asset. I’m not saying that praises be lavish or appreciation be manifested. As I’ve put it, it is personal. Either you feel it, or you don’t. To further clarify, I believe that companies hire because some things vital to its operations need to be done. One would should not be hired if the job he/she would perform is not essential to the company and there would be no hiring if the existing manpower could perform the task efficiently. If there’s nothing to do or if someone else could likewise do what you are expected to do, there’s no need for you.

My workplace has become far from being a comfort zone. What I used to consider challenges, I have come to loathe as mere overload. Organizational plans that were for years but in the first place were not necessary to be long-term have lost appeal to me. I have doubts whether what I do are really needed. It became more like I needed to report to work simply because I was in the company roster. At first it seemed to be the hopelessness for a promotion that is disheartening. They say, when you’re at the top, there’s no way but down. If there’s no way up, there’s a way out – it’s an option. Every organization has flaws within. But it isn’t just about the organization, it’s more about me. I know I have a different calling from the beginning and the discomfort I felt is worsened by the guilt of becoming less productive each passing day because admittedly, I have other priorities.

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away…

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me…

It is my dream to work in the tourism and travel industry particularly in an airline. I made the first move on November 2009 and haven’t been fortunate though. The refusal came in my inbox 3 days after the application was sent. That was unwanted but nonetheless expected. Of the reasons I could only speculate, I consider which is apparent and justifiable for me: lack of relevant experience. And that is what I’ll be working to gain.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and breakaway.

I quit my job that had been a steady source of funds. Then again, that was it – just steady. But it wasn’t easy to give up.

Teaching, the momentary backup was neither financially rewarding. There are no paid leave credits and during semester breaks, payroll goes on break as well. This is tough but trains me to be more rational with my resources – something that barely crossed my mind in the past six years.

It is a long way ahead and getting there might take some time but the first step was taken and the chase towards a dream is always worth it – I’d like to believe.

… Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from…
…Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love….

At times when we lose motivation, our friends keep us going. We can say that they were among if not the most significant reasons why we are holding on. And no way in our lives shall we always sail smoothly. Even so, when we decide to breakaway, there are two things we keep with us: lessons and friends.

Resurgence

Crap. This blog is stale. The hiatus has been like forever; the last post being on the first day of the year which, by the way reminds me that among the goals I set for this year is to exceed 48 blog posts. But with a sole article and the first quarter done? That’s some New Year goal huh. At least, my list is more challenging and thereby more ‘real’ this time in the sense that efforts must be doubled to accomplish it.

So, it’s the first time AGAIN in ages that I logged in to Blogger. There were a lot of comments – about 50 – pending approval which should have made me proud IF these were not spam. As expected, most were ads but a few were brief remarks of appreciation or support from the world’s most avid fan named Anonymous earned my attention only to realize later that these were faux as well for they have nothing to do with the blog; i.e., immaterial. The most spammed page was the post prior this. I wonder if the words “Performance Report” in its title are to blame. On the other hand, the most visited page since its publishing is “Subic Beach Bodies 2008” and I deduce that it’s because this shows up in Google results for searches similar to “Subic Beaches”. Too bad they won’t find the gorgeous bikini contestants actually swimming in our beaches here but I’m glad that site traffic is not absolutely dormant.

Out of the 4 blogs I follow, only one was recently updated although the frequency of publishing has been irregular. And the readers’ comments have also become rare; gone were the days when the thread of comments could sometimes get longer than the article itself. What explains these? Has blogging become passé? Maybe…

As I’ve observed, most blogs that remain busy are the likes of those that offer free downloads, juicy gossips on ‘it’ celebrities, coverage of prestigious events and those blogs with steaming photos of naked models. I must say that it’s clever of the owners of those blogs to feature such because at the core of every blog is entertainment. Regardless of the feature, readers follow a blog that interests them. These bestseller blogs has something in common: brevity. Upload few photos, add a caption, and the pictures do the talking. And then there were the ‘Vlogs’ for both the blogger who’d rather show off than write and the reader – quote, end quote – who ironically prefers watching than reading. Now Twitter and Facebook status updates seem to do the job, quick and carefree.

How many still read essays such as this? I cannot tell. But I’m glad when later I learn that my few readers know about my recent articles although they would not post comments on the blog. Or simply when they tell me that I haven’t blogged for centuries, I know they were reading actually. Call me petty but that’s rewarding enough for me who started this blog with the mere purpose of having something worthy to spend my spare time; I get to practice writing in English as a second language.

There, I might have bored you again with a five-paragraph random rattling. But if you had read thus far, thanks for bearing with me.

New Year Goals: A Performance Report

Here are last year’s targets and accomplishments

1. Get in good shape: Enrolled in the gym…
2. Sustain #1: … 3 months so far
3. Try the thing called “savings”: check
4. Finish college: check
5. Seek career advancement; whatever form it takes: a part-time job…
6. Create a new header for this blog: check. These are what came out plus one that’s left unpublished
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. Release a second issue of the school paper (usually there’s just one per year): this would count
8. Signup for another business: now carrying three RTW lines
9. Outdo a book-turned-movie. I.e., finish the book before its movie is released: check. ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’ being the most remarkable

Nine out of 9… well?

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As for 2010, I’ll see if I can…

1. Stick with working-out
2. Keep my savings intact
3. Learn French
4. Get a new job
5. Exceed the maximum number of blog posts so far that was in 2008

fruity confusion

I don't get this. If people crave for mango, why won't they buy mango? Unless there's some allergy to mangoes and this is the hypoallergenic alternative. But hey, both are fibrous aren't they?

Secret Santa

We had agreed to do the Secret Santa tradition every other day, a week before our department’s Christmas party.

We started with something red and I got this...

From gifts09

I think it’s the most beautifully wrapped thing that day so I guessed that my secret Santa could be a female

From gifts09

Next was something sweet. I got another Washington apple, except it’s in office paper. “Seems that my Santa wouldn’t want me to call in sick because of the apple-a-day-keeps-the-doctor-away slogan; could she be my boss?” I mulled

Finally, it has to be something cute. Anonymous Santa gave me this cell phone charm

From gifts09

And when our identities were revealed during our Christmas Party, my Santa happened to be none other than my friend, Jing.

From gifts09

So, my intuition about my Santa being a female was right all along. And the second apple also stirred my suspicion because she was absent that day but the gift with my name was in the drop box by the time I came in; I don’t find gifts for me until after lunch. Jing is the only one whose official schedule is an hour later than ours.

And her ultimate gift is a convertible shirt, again wrapped so beautifully



Thanks a lot!